Jemmett Family

2012-02-08T20:43:00.000-08:00

Watching Downton Abbey

Domestic Goddess

2011-11-13T20:54:00.001-08:00

Real Simple's Chocolate Fudge Pie. So presentable.

Ahhh, Auto Insurance

2011-10-21T13:26:00.000-07:00

Here's an e-mail I found in my inbox this morning from my model-driver husband. Some details may or may not have been modified by the author of this blog.

Subject Line: "Let's review your shameful past, shall we?"

Dear Hester Prynne:

I'm filling out some info for our car insurance. They need to hear about your indiscretions.
Do you remember when you got those *** tickets?

When Dad is the Primary Caretaker

2011-09-22T12:27:00.000-07:00

Maura had a good time at the fire station preschool field trip. It was a nice little tour. She loved the vehicles. When they opened up the ambulance, the kids got in the back and walked toward the front and exited the side door. Maura went in, I moved to the side door. No Maura. Where could she possibly go. Then somebody says "uh oh, we've got a driver." There was Maura sitting in the driver's seat enthusiastically turning the steering wheel and smiling from ear to ear.

She'd sneaked through a small entry way into the cab of the ambulance.

When Dad is the Primary Caretaker

2011-08-29T12:25:00.000-07:00

Maura and I are @ Zupa's. The table of mommies next to us is complaining about their husbands' wardrobes.

I'm a stranger in a strange land.

When Dad is the Primary Caretaker

2011-08-26T12:17:00.000-07:00

Maura says "I want to nap in my big girl bed." I say okay. She lays down for a while. She's humming a nursery tune. Then silence. Then my communication is cut off.

I run in there. She's face down on the bed. Doing her best impression of "asleep." The stand-by puke bucket is crumpled, the baby monitor is on the ground, jerked from its usual perch on the windowsill. Our little super-spy cut the comm system like an expert.

What a dastardly villain!

We are now eating cupcakes.

With purple frosting.

A New Balloon!

2011-04-16T14:37:00.000-07:00

Yes!

2011-03-30T12:45:00.000-07:00

After an excess of two and a half years, Chad received a transplant on March 29, 2011. It was a seven hour surgery. His old liver was swollen, ugly, and difficult to get out. His new liver is healthy. He's doing great. One doctor says he's a "rock star" and the other says he's healing like a "poster child." We are ecstatic, grateful, humbled, and relieved. We pray that the family of the donor can be comforted. We want to be able to someday relay to them our gratitude for the compassion they had in deciding to allow their loved one to donate his or her organs.

These last two days have been joyful ones. Chad wants to celebrate yesterday annually instead of his actual birthday.

It will be nice to have my husband back. It will be nice to have him go for walks with Maura and I. It will be nice to have help carrying in the groceries. It will be nice for Chad to pick Maura up and hold her. It will be nice to allow her to sit on his lap. It will be nice for Maura to have a dad who rough houses with her, plays Hide and Seek with her, runs around the yard with her, and dances with her. It will be nice for Chad to watch her grow up.

What I've Learned in 2010

2010-12-27T19:10:00.000-08:00

That people actually read this blog, and politely request that I update more often.

That it's so rewarding when your kid does the thing that you have taken great pains to teach her her to do. Like when she says "please" and "thank you" without reminding.

That about every ten years, I can reteach myself how to file adoption papers! I was lucky to be able to do the paperwork for my nephew's adoption, and attend the hearing, blessing and sealing. Adoptions are the only positive files I get to do! Love them!

That I love my job. I like crafting legal arguments in such a way as to persuade a judge. It's not ideal for me to be a working mother, but it's the next best thing.

That I truly "married up." Chad is so very patient. I love his intelligence, sincerity, thoughtfulness, and quiet humor. By "quiet" I mean that you have to listen closely, or you'll miss the hilarious things he says under his breath. Some days he's not 100 percent there, and on those days I miss him terribly. Over the past two plus years, Chad's quality of life has declined significantly, but not in ways that are measured in his monthly blood tests that determine his placement on the transplant waiting list. This can be pretty frustrating, but we're grateful for doctors who work to try to get Chad closer to a transplant.

That life is precious.

That a good bedside manner goes a long way. Chad's favorite doctor will walk in the exam room, clap Chad on the back and say "How are you Chadly? You look like Hell." His docs do a good job of reassuring him that they're thinking of him and acting in his best interests.

That I need to stop feeling sorry for myself for not having a "normal" life. Normal lives are for normal people. Who am I to expect normality? I used to get upset because our family had the same goals as everyone else, like having a home, family, 2 cars, a garden, canning in the Fall, going to the Farmer's Market Saturday mornings, and complaining to the husband how the kids made a scene at the grocery store earlier that day. My current situation leaves no room for vacations, girls nights out, book clubs, play dates, shopping, some Young Women activities, dates out with my husband, taking family photos, sending out Christmas cards, etc. We're pretty much tethered to the Wasatch Front. I've come to grips with this this past year, and I'm okay with this.

That after 16 years, purple eyeliner is an awesome replacement for brown eyeliner.

When Dad is the primary caretaker

2010-10-13T11:09:00.000-07:00

Maura and Chad had a discussion about throwing up.

Just so we are all on the same page, these are things that do not throw up:

Heaters (the middle-aged owners of Hotel Inlaws do not believe in using one this early in the Fall season-- thus we buy space heaters for our rooms)

Pink pom poms

Purple flowers

Pink heaters

Yellow flowers.

That is all.

Conversations with Chad

2010-09-21T09:38:00.000-07:00

Chad: Maura is pretty happy today. We're at Tantrum Level Yellow.

Conversations with Chad

2010-09-20T18:14:00.001-07:00

Me: "Maybe I should go wake Maura. She's been napping a long time."

Chad: "If you could stop a hurricane, would you?"

Is it "slacking?" Or "slackening?"

2010-09-17T11:59:00.000-07:00

I don't want to talk about how long it's been since I've blogged. And how my New Year's resolutions for 2009 are still posted. Guess I'd better take those down. I failed to keep those resolutions and I figure if I can be a decent mother and wife while working full time and living at Hotel Inlaws, then I'm doing okay.

I ran across this brilliant article that makes me feel better. Enjoy!

A Few More Obvious Tips for Not-Very-Good Homemakers

I have a few more obvious tips for you, but only if you are a not-very-good homemaker. If you are a better-than-average homemaker you are probably too busy styling your step-by-step blog on how to make organic cupcakes for your 2 year old's half birthday and won't have time to read this. That's OK. I don't want to waste your time. But for all of you less-thans out there, consider this Festivus for the rest of us who, frankly, are probably in bed balancing our laptops on our stomachs.

Read on...

Say it! Say it out loud.

2009-11-08T20:44:00.000-08:00

Cheap! Cheap!

2009-10-31T21:46:00.000-07:00

Beehivier Righteousness

2009-09-23T22:10:00.000-07:00

Nickie
Penny!!! I love FB for finding people in my past that I really miss, like you! You were one of the best YW leaders, I'll always remember you!

Penny

Nickie.............how are you?? I remember you! A big hello to your parents. I am hit and miss on FB...probably because I am so busy doing everything else. It is very nice to keep in touch with everyone.

Heather

Nickie, don't you know, Sis. Coyner liked me better. I was just a better behaved Beehive than you were. Sorry to break that to you on Facebook.

Penny

You both were so awesome!!

Heather

You have to admit I was Beehivier than Nickie.

Penny

Oh Heather you are too cute. You were so quiet, you hardly ever made a peep! Are you still that way??

Heather

I'll let Nickie field that question. :)

Nickie

Is she still quiet???? Well, Penny, I'll let you draw your own conclusion to that one. And Heather...at least I don't have to draw confirmation from others as to how well my childhood behavior was! I'll just let my calling as BEEHIVE PRES. just point out my Beehivier righteousness. (Hehehe) :)

Penny

You are both just too cute. I don't pick favorites...lol....just ask my children.........NO, please don't! They think I favor.....I really don't.

Nickie

Did we mention that we were roommates in college?...Heather & I have had too much fun together over the years. And you probably thought that we'd never get along well as Beehives (cuz we sure didn't act like it then).

Melissa

Oh my word was Heather ever a quiet kid??? i dont' remember that! You guys crack me up! I think it's time for a reunion! :)

Nickie

Amen sista! Let's plan one!

Heather

Yes! Sis. Coyner can host.

Chruck

2009-09-12T21:17:00.001-07:00

Maura's cousin Calvin celebrated his second birthday, and Chad showed me how to screen print an image onto a shirt. This is how Calvin pronounces the word "truck."
I know, right?! It rocks. I cut out the truck, and Chad cut out the text and painted the stuff onto the shirt. It was so much fun to learn how to do it, it makes me excited to try it out some more.

I hosted a baby shower for my sweet friend Maggie, and us 3rd Wardian alumni partied down baby-gifting style at Hotel Inlaws.
I totally made those pom-poms in the background. Lurve those things. I have them hanging in Maura's room above the place where I change her diapers, and when she gets all wiggly and twisty I tell her to point at the overhanging pom-poms. It keeps her still for about seven seconds.

Look, it's easy to fake a pregnancy with one of those grocery-store bouncy balls. I bet you can't even tell which girl is faking it.

Happy First Maura

2009-07-17T22:31:00.000-07:00

Dear Maura:

Today you are one year old.

Two days before you were due to be born, your father went into the emergency room. While we waited for him to see a doctor and be administered some pain relief meds, I was anxious and stressed and worried because of your impending due date. While he laid in his hospital bed in terrible pain, he reassured me that everything would be okay.

So for the next four days, I schlepped my hospital bag back and forth and spent those days in your father's hospital room. I had no idea what to expect when I would inevitably go into labor. I started having serious contractions the same day your father had his first of four blood transfusions. I skipped eating lunch in the cafeteria because I thought to myself, what if I have an embarrassing contraction right there in the middle of the cafeteria? I didn't realize that I was experiencing actual labor. I had been told that contractions feel like "really bad menstrual cramps." I have a history of severe menstrual cramps (yeah, you're welcome for that) and in my mind I wasn't having textbook contractions. I fed your father ice chips and answered the nurses' questions. Your great aunt informed me that I was in labor, and I denied it. Your grandmother told me that I ought to check myself in, after all, I was only two floors above the place where you would be born. Instead, I waited to see if your father's transfusion was successful before I would go home and watch Becoming Jane to get my mind off of the pain I was feeling.

I had your grandmother drive me home because I didn't think I should drive myself. I folded some laundry and put it away. Your grandmother insisted that I write down the times I was having contractions. Yeah, they were close together, but they weren't lasting the full 45-60 seconds that the textbooks AND doctors AND birth classes said they should last. After all, I thought it would be the ultimate rejection to show up at the hospital ready to become a mother and be told, hey, even though you're suffering intense pain, go back home. Finally, your grandmother insisted upon calling the doctor to see whether I should go to the hospital. He said I should probably come in.

When I reached the hospital, I was certain that I would be turned away. I found out that I was dilated to a nine. Things started happening really quickly. When I was wheeled down the hall, one of the nurses asked if I was "going to do this naturally." I said, "You must be the funny nurse." Another nurse said that she hoped an anesthesiologist would show up in time. Yes, please! By that time, the pain was quite intense and I was gripping the side rails of the bed. Thankfully, he showed up. Next time, I think I'll have him meet me at home.

When the doctor plopped you onto my chest it was such a strange sensation. If felt good to have you pulled out of me, but at the same time it was alarming because I had been protecting that baby bump for so long, even avoiding any degree of waistband constriction so that I wouldn't feel any more nauseated than I did the WHOLE NINE MONTHS. But suddenly there was this weight- a live human being no less- on that very spot. And I was surprised at how heavy that little person was. And how grayish-purple you looked.

The nurses took you away to determine your Apgar score, and while I was being stitched up (for 30 minutes!), I just watched you. Your birth was such a bright spot during a scary week. I thought the timing of our entire family's hospital stay was crazy, but you are your father's angel. I don't know what we'd do without you to focus on right now.

We're trying to be good parents. I haven't even put headbands or bows or anything in your fine hair because I think it would have made you uncomfortable. I haven't polished your nails. I haven't felt like you needed any adornment beyond what nature gave to you. Of course, you don't seem as helpless and vulnerable to me now, so that all may change soon! I have whipped up egg whites to put in your hair. Hey, give me a break. I told your father years ago that we weren't having any children unless they had naturally curly hair.

Circumstances aren't ideal, but I'm so glad that you have such a strong bond with your father because of the fact that he is home with you.

We were happy before, but we were so completely ignorant of the joy we feel now. You have brought so much joy to our lives.

Happy birthday.

Ummm, Not So Much

2009-07-15T22:24:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting a haircut. There's just something about my at-home layering-with-a-disposable-razor technique that isn't a feasible long-term plan. My hair has grown out and I wanted some Nicole Kidman-esque layers. I asked around and got a recommendation and took this picture with me to my appointment:
I love her layers and her awesome bangs. The last (real) haircut I had was what I call a stacked, A-line "Utah Bob," so I had some shorter layers underneath. So when the hairstylist asked if I wanted the back "evened out," I answered yes. And when asked if I wanted the front blended with my bangs, I said sure. I even think I threw out a "whatever you think is best" as well. Here's what I ended up with:
Please ignore my tooth hanging out. I wore braces for three years when I was a teen and you'd think I'd have learned to smile and keep it all in by now.
Ummmm hellllloooooo. 1994 called. Or is it 1978? Joan Jett? Carol Brady's shag? Jane Fonda in Klute? Can you say mullett? This morning, I walked out of the bathroom after attempting to style this mop and Chad took one look at me and said "Do you remember that episode of friends where Phoebe cuts Monica's hair, and Monica wants a Demi Moore haircut and Phoebe thinks she means Dudley Moore?"

This is entirely my fault. The gal cutting my hair was really nice and I didn't really take a hard, serious look at the cut until I got home. I should have asked follow-up questions like "what will it look like if you [insert hair jargon here]? I should never assume she's got the same picture in her mind that I have. I have learned my lesson. It's a comical lesson. So I'm ponytailing it for a week until I can go to my trusted, albeit much more expensive (ouch) friend Michelle. She's awesome! You can totally trust my recommendation. :)

Everyone Loves a Parade

2009-07-15T22:04:00.000-07:00

Last month, Mom, Maura and I took a road trip to Montana. It was fun to see family. I was able to see my cousin Hillary who I haven't seen in over 20 years. My mother has raved about how great her kids are, and sure enough they proved to be comical, entertaining and incredibly well-mannered. She and her husband must be doing a good job. I love DIY home decor and these pics don't do Karen's house any justice.
Maura enjoyed her first parade. Her head whipped back and forth to see what float was coming and what was traveling past.
We had our own little at-home fireworks show. Maura was not super impressed. It probably would have been more enjoyable after dark, but alas, Maura isn't the stay-up-late type anymore.
She laid on the blanket and became paralyzed with fear! We're talking total muscular incapacitation! Well, it is quite rare when she lies still. Or is it lays still? I'm still confused about that.

What We Doing

2009-05-28T13:13:00.000-07:00

Our family has had a relatively eventful Spring. We spent some time with family at the East Canyon condo for dinner. Drinks were served and I had my first (virgin) Bloody Mary. Chad's Aunt DoraLee made it for me and apparently forgot the Worcester sauce. I said "This is my first Bloody Mary and you made it wrong?" I think it may have ruined my expectations. :)

Chad's cousin Erin was so sweet to Maura.

Maura can now pull herself to a standing position. The honeymoon is OVER.

Some of us Redmond Alumni got together. Nickie throws a heck of a Pampered Chef party. It's just not a real party without someone selling Mary Kay/Pampered Chef/Lia Sophia/scrapbooking supplies/candles, but this was the best I've ever been to! We had fun catching up.

(Nickie, Andrea, Maura and I)

Apparently I washed my hair with a bottle of (virgin) olive oil that day. Andrea and I switched babies. Maybe she'll consider making a permanent trade? Her kid is pretty cute.

And it's not a Girl's Camp certification hike unless someone picks up a bull snake at the peak of the hike. This 10-mile hike was brutal. It was a reality check as to how out of shape I truly am. I had the insane idea that hauling Maura up and down the stairs at Hotel Inlaws was enough exercise for me, but I was proven wrong.

Fun with Photobooth

2009-04-13T20:43:00.000-07:00

Orthapedic Divergence

2009-04-07T14:48:00.000-07:00

I just had to share this hilarious Facebook exchange. These are Matt's shoes.

Heather Bury Jemmett at 8:56pm April 6

They're orthopedic for people who trip and fall a lot. And they help with the Athlete's foot.

Callie Ann Cahoon at 10:22pm April 6

Heather - are they seriously?!

Yeah...I don't think he'll ever convert me into getting a pair of Vibram Five Fingers.

Chad Jemmett at 11:12am April 7

Here's the truth. Matt was born with orthapedic divergence. We had to hold a fund raiser to get him those special shoes. He was teased mercilessly as a child... but today he has come to grips with his weird foot oddity and is ok with wearing prescription shoes. This is the truth. I am his brother. I would not lie.

Heather Bury Jemmett at 11:33am April 7

Ha Ha!

Cutesy

2009-04-01T16:19:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I don't tolerate anything cutesy. On the Substance-Fluff Continuum, I'm all about the substance. But I am surprised to find myself making an exception when it comes to baby girl bedroom decor. We made these blocks during a Young Women activity and I scrambled to grab extras to make some for Maura.

2009-03-20T11:20:00.001-07:00

So Twilight will be released on DVD tomorrow. I'm going to call Chad "Chadward" the entire day. I think that will make him love me even more.

Domestic Diva

2009-03-17T12:02:00.000-07:00

I finally made my debut appearance at the Gutsy Gals Adventure Club. Here is my cake in a super classy pizza pan. Note the impeccable crumb coat. It's like auto body work.
Here I've applied the frosting. I have no patience for crafts or cutesy ANYTHING, so the frosting is slopped all over.Here's Melissa and her beautiful cake. No sloppage to be seen anywhere.
Matt's friend Rachel joined us. She was fun to get to know. She learned local lingo words like "DI" and "Pampered Chef." She does NOT recommend the book Beloved. I told her we'd take that book to DI. Some gals made really pretty cakes. Well, make that 99 percent of the gals. But here's mine. It has a Cheese Whiz border and my family's names in garbled frosting words. Jealous?Here's Melissa's yummy cake that was too pretty to eat, but we got over it soon enough.
Melissa's sister made a perfectly fine cake with pretty flowers. She joked that it was a funeral cake or the cake that nobody bid on at the bake auction. Then the next thing we knew, she'd written this on her cake:

The beginnings of a sunflower design. It's so intricate, it looks like a knitted afghan. The proud cakesters.

Why I Love Him

2009-02-14T21:49:00.000-08:00

Because he got a Valentine card for Maura too. And here's what it said:

Dear Maura:

Happy Valentine's Day. I hope your first one is a great one.

Just want you to know, I love you more than I ever expected. You are my little angel.

Love, your Daddy

In a Holding Pattern

2009-02-12T11:39:00.000-08:00

When I started this blog, my husband told me the two rules of blogging. One, keep your posts short, and two, blog often. A blog is like a shark. If it doesn't keep moving, it will die. Unfortunately, this blog has died many many deaths.

Last week we visited Chad's doctor to learn that Chad is exactly the same. Too sick to work and too healthy to be at the top of the transplant list. While sitting in the waiting room, a man struck up a conversation with Chad. He is a professor at BYU Idaho and had the same disease as Chad. He waited a year for a liver transplant and told us that he felt better immediately after waking from the surgery. It was so encouraging to hear of his success. We've kept in touch with him and are grateful that his family is willing to share their experience with us.

You know those cell phone kiosks in the middle of the mall? With those annoying guys that shout at you as you walk by? Chad needed to get a new watch battery, so as we passed one of those kiosks one guy shouted at Chad "What's the matter with you? Are you sick?" Chad shouted back "Yeah, I need a new liver. You got one?"

Grease cutting power to the nth degree

2009-01-20T22:23:00.001-08:00

Oh what a discovery this is. My mother read an article about how milk of magnesia can improve an oily/acne prone complexion. Yes, complexion. So, after a trip to Walmart and about four bucks later, I decided to try the stuff and was careful to purchase a bottle that did NOT contain mineral oil.

That night I shook it up and smeared the stuff on my oily zones with a cotton pad. It dried down to a sexy matte white finish. Usually I wake up in the morning looking like Mr. Sandman has spread Vaseline along the sides of my nostrils, but by the next morning it was mostly absorbed.

That day I decided to try it under my concealer. Mind you I use a TRUCKLOAD of concealer. I didn't have to "powder my nose" all day. Wish I'd known about this trick back in high school when my face was erupting about as often as Tom Petty's You Don't Know How It Feels played on the sole pop/rock radio station in Redmond, Oregon.

Here's a helpful how to.

Maura's first food!

2009-01-16T15:16:00.000-08:00

The uncut version is here. It's for grandparents only!

Rock a Pony or Bop a Bob

2009-01-16T12:22:00.000-08:00

So this is what my flat hair's been missing.

I Am Utterly Convinced

2009-01-10T09:22:00.001-08:00

that girls who claim themselves "outdoorsy" never experience raging severe menstrual cramps.

Gonna Party Like It's 2009

2008-12-31T20:26:00.000-08:00

If I make my resolutions public, then I won't break them, right? Usually I have ambitious goals like "Get a haircut" and I always resolve to improve my posture. Sadly, having been a band geek throughout my public school years, I am lacking in the home economics department. So here they be:

Get Chad a healthy new liver!
Grow a garden: for fresh veggies, salsa making and cooking with fresh herbs (except yucky oregano!)
Learn how to can said items
Become a better seamstress (Tim Gunn, are you listening?) so my mother can claim me as her own
Bake the perfect whole wheat bread
Take Maura to feed the ducks. Ducklings are my very favorite animals!
Hike to my favorite rock to watch the fireworks this summer (hopefully with my family)
Teach Maura some sign language
Teach her to sing primary songs
Teach her to sing, in the car, at the top of her lungs
Learn how to take better photos

Christmas Morning

2008-12-31T20:12:00.000-08:00

Grace's Christmas village (bottle not included).
I made potato bags as gifts this year. Don't laugh. I know I sew like a second grader.
When the box is more fun.

No, We're Not Beating A Bag of Cats

2008-12-27T20:46:00.000-08:00

Christmas Cheer

2008-12-24T15:09:00.000-08:00

Let's Snow

2008-12-24T11:35:00.000-08:00

Christmas Cake Wrecks

I Can Haz A Cheezburger?

2008-12-21T16:01:00.000-08:00

Almost Famous

2008-12-05T21:23:00.000-08:00

Chad and I ran into his Weber State University news class professor last week. The news class is always hurting for stories, so a couple of reporters came to Hotel Inlaws and interviewed Chad and I (with a cameo by Maura in her stunning television debut) for a story about organ donation. Check it out here.

We've waited 13 years for this day

2008-12-05T09:01:00.000-08:00

"The Fig Newton Song" finally makes its debut on the music video scene. Ricks roommates, this will either make hearing this song over and over in our dorm room worth it, or you will once again want to drive nails through your skull. Personally, I can't wait for more exciting videos to the tunes "Brown-Nosed Braille Reader," "Firecracker Kitty" and "Ten Gallon Yarmulke." Those Two Annoying Guys, we eagerly await more.

How do I love thee?

2008-12-02T15:17:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my Clairol Ion Shine hair dryer died. I had to use my cruddy Revlon backup dryer. It just wasn't the same. Non-ionic dryers leave my hair with alternating damp and burned patches. It takes longer to dry my hair and I have a halo of frizz when I'm finally finished. This, of course, necessitated an emergency trip to Walmart to pick up a new dryer.

Yes, this is the most boring, shallow post to date. To liven things up a little, what's your favorite hair dryer?

Call for Comments

2008-11-26T10:28:00.000-08:00

I'm shamelessly directing you to Megan's site for your commenting pleasure.

Tali throws a heck of a baby shower

2008-11-22T17:10:00.000-08:00

This is for all you Redmond girls. Hey y'all!
Food tables to run around. I'm all about food too.
Aunt Meggie, Maura, and Tali.

Now, in vampire hair fashion news

2008-11-20T07:38:00.000-08:00

I think we all know what the main problem is with the Twilight mania sweeping the English-speaking world right now: Ugly hair. Seriously, what the hell is up with the hair on heartthrob vampire Edward (Robert Pattinson)? The guy is undead, OK, but does his hair have to look like roadkill? Apparently, yes. Edward comes from a long line of ugly-haired Euro-American vampires in cinema, and we've got a rogues gallery of the worst vampire hair imaginable for you, below.

For the rest of the article, click here.

For all you Twilight nerds

2008-11-16T15:25:00.001-08:00

BELLA: So did you do the chemistry homework?

EDWARD: Like, 100 years ago.

BELLA: No, seriously. Quit making jokes about our age difference. I have to do my homework before I go home and cook my dad his dinner.

EDWARD: You are a magnificent flower and the sweet cherry atop my life's sundae. Marry me and your life will be distilled bliss, for I do not eat food that requires cooking, and I am rich enough that your chemistry grade matters not a whit.

BELLA: Um, let's not talk about what you eat.

EDWARD: Your wish is my command, fragrant blossom.

BELLA: I don't understand how you can say that. I'm just a plain, awkward girl who needs to strap herself to the commode so she doesn't fall off. Accident-prone is my middle name.

EDWARD: I will sneak into your bathroom and offer my steady, marble-like arms as your supports. No harm shall come to you, my pet.

BELLA: OK, but you have to be really quiet about it and stuff, because my dad is, like, the police chief and even though he can't cook his own dinner, he will totally OWN your undead badonkadonk if he catches you.

EDWARD: (Laughs) Did you just see that? I sprinted to the end of these mossy rocks and back in less time than you took to say badonkadonk.

BELLA: Kiss me unchastely, you sexy beast.

EDWARD: Let's do your chemistry first, and then we shall go for a ride in my Volvo.

BELLA: See? I am ugly. My vampire boyfriend doesn't even want to neck.

(Summit Entertainment)

Watch this

2008-11-11T08:26:00.000-08:00

This documentary features my brother-in-law Matt (below) and my inlaws of "Hotel Inlaws" fame.
Here's the synopsis from KUED.org:

RESERVED TO FIGHT follows four Marines for three years after coming home from combat in Iraq as they struggle through social and psychological reintegration. Living among loved ones who don't yet understand them and suffering from a psychological disorder that is difficult to acknowledge, these veterans grapple to find purpose and healing.

I've seen it and it's incredibly interesting. For you Utah television viewers, it premieres Wednesday November 12th at 9pm on KUED. For you folks living in other states, check here.

Jess Jorgy got married!

2008-11-10T12:45:00.000-08:00

Jorgies throw a heck of a reception. The bride and groom below:

The groom sneaking out of the picture frame just in the nick of time. You can see his evil grin:
Grandma and Maura. She missed her nap.
And she hates country music. But it just ain't a Redmond-esque reception without it.
Plate Face.

Joel, Grandma, Maura and the groom.
Katie and her super cute nieces in a ring dance.
Manuel and Megan. She clapped along to that twangy rhythm.
Rachel's stylin' bouncin' behavin' hair.

It was a small, intimate reception. Definitely one of the best I've attended. We miss you Jorgies! Congrats to Emily and Jess!

Is this voter fraud?

2008-11-04T17:26:00.001-08:00

Megan and Manuel throw a heck of a party

2008-11-02T16:37:00.000-08:00

I grossly underestimated how many snakes and how much tulle I would actually need. That's what happens when you procrastinate your homemade costumes. I found a no-sew tutu tutorial on Youtube for Maura's tutu. I'm all about no-sew projects, or anything with the word "no" in it. We were going to go with the Maura as Gene Hackman Halloween idea because they have the same hairline, but I decided to give my daughter one less issue to hate me for when she's older.

DIY home decor

2008-10-27T11:41:00.001-07:00

Here is my paltry attempt at quilting.

Because I have the seamstress skills of a second grader, this pillow took me half a day to complete. My sister helped me out a ton. My mother is a wise woman and she says that the way to decorate a living room is to buy a neutral, classic sofa set and change up your pillows. That's what I hope to do someday when I have my own living room again.

Family Update

2008-10-27T08:13:00.001-07:00

Chad is, unfortunately, feeling better.

It's a double-edged sword. Because he's feeling better, he has been pushed down the liver transplant list from position two to about position four or five now. It's great because personality-wise, I feel like I have my old husband back. Chad still has to take it easy, but he's able to go on short outings and was yesterday able to attend all three hours of church. That's a huge improvement compared to how he was feeling when he was released from the hospital.

He's able to interact with Maura so much more now. It's hilarious because he walks into the room and says something to her and I watch her whole face light up. She's definitely Daddy's girl. I feel so betrayed. :)

So we're in limbo, just waiting. But it's a good time in our lives right now.

The Times, They Are A-Changin'

2008-10-21T14:32:00.001-07:00

The Brokers With Hands On Their Faces Blog

Maybe if she wore a bra....

My Quirky Self

2008-10-11T20:21:00.001-07:00

Tagged!

The rules: Link to the person that tagged you. (The Wife) Mention these rules on your blog. Tell 6 unspectacular quirks of yourself and tag 6 fellow bloggers.

#1 I love to load the dishwasher. I can make every dish fit inside and in such a way that water will clean each and every surface. It's like a Tetris game (see # two below).

#2 When I was in high school, my family lived in a single room cabin for two months while waiting for the building of our house. It was impossible for my parents to find any sort of apartment that would rent to a family of five. I guess in the state of Oregon, our family was considered too numerous to ever need a rental space. There was a family in the ward who owned the property the cabin sat on, so they let us live in it. There was no running water, and the bathroom and shower were about a half block's hike up the hill. Of course I had early morning Seminary classes during this time. We ate a lot of TV dinners and played Nintendo.

We were only supposed to live in that cabin for a month, but it snowed so much that winter that the building of our house was delayed.

#3 I will never, ever scrapbook. I have no tolerance for anything cutesy. But I'm all about organizing photos into an album.

#4 For number four, I'm stealing The Wife's quirk- I guess we're both quirky in the same way! I have to fold my bath towels a certain way. I fold them so that the edges are inside. If my husband folds the laundry, I then refold the towels.

#5 My jaw clicks. The sound of it even bothered a poor dental hygienist who apparently lost the dental patient lottery and got stuck cleaning my teeth. At least I don't have any cavities.

#6 And for the grand finale- my deep, dark secret is that my hair sometimes falls out. It's really odd. I had a biopsy taken of my scalp to see if my immune system was attacking my hair roots, a la Alopecia Areata, but that wasn't the case. I was even referred to a specialist at the University of Utah hospital and he was baffled. My hair will just sometimes go through a stage of shedding in patches. I just get it cut to make it look thicker and wait it out. I never know when it will happen or where. I've been pretty lucky so far and haven't had any obvious bald spots.

I hereby tag- Megan and anyone else who is hard up for bloggy material.

Mags got married!

2008-10-11T20:13:00.000-07:00

Maggie is the epitome of class. She is so classy that she goes by her given name of "Margaret" despite the fact that our entire Singles Ward still called her "Maggie."

Oh, and my bloodshot eyes? Maura was up three times the night before.

Congrats "Margaret!" You so deserve to be happy!

Baby blessing soup

2008-10-08T18:13:00.000-07:00

Chunky Italian Soup

1 lb lean ground beef
1 medium onion, chopped
2 (14.5-oz) cans Italian tomatoes
1 (10 & 3/4 oz) cans tomato soup with basil, undiluted
4 c. water
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 tsp.dried basil
2 tsp. dried oregano
1 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper
t tblsp chili powder (opt.)
1 (16-oz) can kidney beans, drained
1 (16-oz)can Italian green beans, drained
1 carrot, chopped
1 zucchini, chopped
8 oz rotini noodles, cooked
Grated parmesan cheese

Cook beef and onion in a Dutch Oven over medium heat, stirring until beef crumbles and is no longer pink; drain. Return mixture to pan. Stir in tomatoes, next 7 ingredients and chili powder; bring to boil. Reduce heat; simmer, stirring occasionally, 30 minutes. Stir in kidney beans and next 3 ingredients, simmer, stirring occasionally, 15 minutes. Stir in pasta. Sprinkle each serving with cheese.

Yield: 10 cups
Prep: 20 minutes, Cook: 30 minutes.

Checkee Outtee

2008-10-07T11:46:00.000-07:00

Got me a Flickr Account.

Comment! Comment!

2008-10-06T13:03:00.000-07:00

Please post your comment to this post.

Cat Ladders

2008-09-27T18:38:00.000-07:00

Oh my stars, I love this post. I dare you to try to suppress your laughter.

This is a friend/former coworker of mine. She was pregnant with this kid when we last worked together.

Kate, your kid rocks.

Maura ahora

2008-09-15T17:31:00.000-07:00

Maura- the early days

2008-09-15T10:13:00.001-07:00

I've been gently reminded that I need to post updated pics of the kid. For now, here's a Flickr link to some shots taken by my family.

By Semi-Popular Demand

2008-09-03T17:19:00.000-07:00

Yummy Salsa:

Tomatoes
1-2 Anaheim peppers
onion(s)
lime juice
cilantro (lots)
Tomatillos (just peel off the papery outside and wash and chop)
Salt
garlic

You just chop it all up and combine. You can't mess it up!

This means you, RC Willey shoppers!

2008-08-31T13:25:00.000-07:00

via videosift.com

First Sunday

2008-08-25T10:21:00.001-07:00

Maura slept through Sacrament Meeting. She awakened briefly, but she was in her carrier and I rocked her back to sleep. Sucker! She was still asleep at the end of the meeting, so we proceeded to Sundee School and she remained comatose. What a good baby!

Back to Utah

2008-08-19T10:03:00.001-07:00

Wowee! We moved to Utah this past weekend to be closer to the U of U hospital. We did it all in two days because we had lots of help. On Friday, my angel mother drove me to Idaho so I had an extra half day to pack things up and get somewhat organized before D-day. My brother (I won't call him angelic, I don't think he'd appreciate it) came the next day to help and to drive my car back to Utah. Mom, Matt and I had fun Saturday evening when Matt showed up hilarious videos of The Colbert Report on his laptop. We just sort of stopped the move-out cleaning and relaxed and laughed our heads off. It was nice to be together and take a break.

For now we're living at Hotel Inlaws. It's nice to be near family again and have some familial support. It's nice to be in a familiar place. I even contacted my old boss, who is awesome, and may someday work for him again if I can swing motherhood and part time work. Even though it's an oxymoron, he's an honest attorney. I miss that job.

Now I've got to go through my boxes and repack them in a more organized fashion.

It's nice to be back.

Chad

2008-08-12T12:33:00.000-07:00

Chad had been turning yellow a few months ago but felt perfectly healthy. He finally saw a doc regarding his jaundice and the doc wanted him to get an "ERCP" right away, which is an endoscopic procedure where they shoved a tube down his throat to see whether his bile duct between the liver and the small intestine was blocked, which it was. Then a "stent" which is like a straw was placed in the duct to keep it open. His body is attacking his bile duct, which is an autoimmune disease called Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis. After his first ERCP, he developed pancreatitis and was hospitalized. I'm not sure what happened over the course of the next three weeks, but he eventually had two more ERCPs and was in the ICU for the better part of two weeks.

Chad is going to need a liver transplant at the University of Utah hospital. We've relocated to Chad's folks' house, so we'll be living in Hotel Inlaws for an indefinite period. The good news is that Chad is #2 on the liver transplant list, but only for the U of U hospital. This doesn't factor in people who need transplants regionally, including Idaho and Nevada. The bad news is, Chad is so ill that he is #2 on the list. We're taking it one day at a time. His big focus/goal every day is to get enough calories in every day. He doesn't have any appetite. I'm so scared for him, but we've had many reassuring priesthood blessings so I'm hopeful that he will be just fine.

Waiting

2008-08-06T13:42:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a while, because it's hard to write the truth. Today Chad is at the University of Utah hospital where he is being interviewed by a panel of doctors in hopes of receiving a liver transplant. He was finally able to come home last week, but he is feeling pretty weak. We're grateful to family and friends who have expressed love and concern for his well being.

Baby Maura is a night owl like her mother. She has a patented scream, which is like an alarm clock going off inside my head. She likes her hair stroked, the sound of running water, and to be held while sleeping. She hates it when Chad coughs, I sneeze, or to not be held while sleeping. She has been such a great distraction during this difficult time. She brings a lot of joy to my life. I need to post some updated pics.

2008-07-22T19:30:00.000-07:00

Roller Coaster Ride

2008-07-21T13:41:00.000-07:00

Thanks to all of you who have been praying for Chad. Family have been great to help us out. It's been pretty touch-and-go, between the procedures, IVs, blood transfusions, kidney dialyses and drugs. We hope he can recover soon so that he can meet and hold his daughter.

Maura was born July 17th @ 1:54 am. She weighed 7 pounds 6 ounces, and was 21 and a quarter inches long. She has masses of dark hair. She was the bright spot of last week. I have never beheld a creature so beautiful and so perfect. Pictures and more to follow.

I Should Get My Own Security Pass

2008-07-14T11:38:00.000-07:00

I've been to the hospital every day. But not for the reason you think.

Last Tuesday: Chad had an outpatient procedure. One in ten people develop complications from the procedure he had.

Wednesday: Birth Information Tour.

Thursday: Child Birth Prep Class.

Friday: Trip to ER. Chad was the one in ten that developed complications. He was admitted to the hospital and stayed overnight. I'm thinking, I'm due tomorrow. Do I go home? Do I stay here if I go into labor, so that I can deliver my baby two floors down? Am hoping I do not go into labor before Chad feels better.

Saturday: Hung out in Chad's room. Am carting my giant hospital bag back and forth every day. Somehow all of Chad's nurses know that I'm about to pop. They must have a bet going.

Sunday: Chad's mother arrives to stay with us for two weeks. She is my angel. Now I have someone to drive me to the hospital. Now the baby can come. Joke to Chad that if he hears me cursing his name from two floors down, he'll know that baby is on the way.

Today: Chad wants to get up and walk around the halls today. I push his IV drip beside him. A nurse comments that we have "all sorts of challenges." Yep.

Ain't Be Coming Out

2008-07-11T10:40:00.000-07:00

Baby is due Sunday. In two days. Would someone please inform her of that? Precious few of my maternity clothes are fitting me now.

I visited the doctor today. It was an appointment with Dr. No Personality. I like Dr. No Personality because he is professional and to the point, but sometimes he stands there and lectures me like I'm a drooling idiot. I asked him a simple question that is too private to repeat here. He answered my question, but went on to state that what I really need to be concerned about is contractions, and how I should time them, and at what point I should get myself to the hospital. You don't say? Two days before I'm due, you're telling me the logistics of timing contractions to determine the best time to break my neck in getting to the hospital? Can you teach me how to tie my shoes next?

If I haven't gone in to labor in about a week, then the doc said that I may be induced on Monday the 21st. Chad is elated at this news because that may mean that our daughter and his wife would share a birthday, and that's one less annual event he'll have to make a big fuss over. And wouldn't you know it, the on-call doctor for the 21st is Dr. No Personality.

Attn Former Third Wardians:

2008-06-30T15:08:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of Mags:

Hello friends from the old 3rd ward!

I am so excited to let you all know that Wendi P****** M**** will be coming to UT at the end of July. She would love to see as many friends as possible. It's a great excuse to get everyone together anyway. The plans are not yet in stone, but I wanted to at least notify each of you to see if you might have the 22nd or the 23rd open on your calendars. Wendi is making her final plans and she will get back with me on which date works for her and Darin. If you can leave those open for now, and I will soon send you the info on the final plans in the next few days.

It will be so great to see friends again! It's been too long and I have missed you all!

Please forward this message on who ever you know that would like to be a part of this get together-- I don't have as many email addresses as I used to, but I know we all have kept in touch with some of the others.

Plans TBA

Much love, Maggie

"LOL Geoff"- much better than "LOL Cats"

2008-06-29T09:42:00.000-07:00

Head over to this site and create your own caption!

Megan, Matt & Some Weird Mongolian Necktie

2008-06-25T17:07:00.000-07:00

Coming Home Tonight, and Weighing in at 15 lbs Less

2008-06-24T12:08:00.000-07:00

What Price Vicious Dog?

2008-06-23T11:56:00.000-07:00

Fine: $300, $150 suspended.

Court Costs: $75.50.

Jail time: 30 days ordered, 26 days suspended, four days to be served via either garbage pickup or community service.

Unsupervised Probation: Two years.

AND $410.12 restitution to be paid to the victim for out-of-pocket ER visit and prescription costs.

This morning I went to the restitution hearing. I got to talk to the judge and sort of give something like a victim impact statement. I was loving every minute of it. I felt so confident talking to the judge and outlining what my needs were. And I was totally awarded all my restitution.

I sure miss the legal field. I think that when I am an old woman, I will go to court hearings and be a regular spectator. Of course, my case was near the end of the docket so I waited for nearly two hours. But I loved sitting through the city cases and hearing the defendants' sorry lame excuses for their behavior. One 17-year-old girl was caught driving with alcohol. Her story was that she and her father had shared some "Bacardi Beer." I don't claim to be an expert in alcoholic beverages, but I'm pretty darn sure there is no such thing as Bacardi Beer. Everyone in the courtroom was snickering when she made that statement. Here's what my husband Chad had to say about it:

You should check the tivo schedule for the "baby borrowers" show. I think it might air tonight. It's about teens who borrow a baby from nominees for "the worst- parent- in- the- world- to- allow- their- baby- to- go- on- a- reality- show."

Not to be confused with nominees for the "Worst parent in the world-general category" One of the nominees for general category had his daughter in court today. He bought her booze and she got in trouble for it. Because she never drank in her whole life until that fateful day when she got into the car with her father dun dun duuuuun. Before she got into the car with her father ( dun dun duuuuun) she was on her way to read to orphans- with- cute- names- who- need- dialasys- because- their- mothers- were- last- year's- winners- of- "the- worst- parents- in- the- world- general- category." I think she should have mentioned that to the judge.

Childbirth Prep Classes: Can one truly be prepared?

2008-06-19T16:07:00.000-07:00

I start Childbirth Preparation classes tonight. Yep, it's a bit late to be starting at 36 weeks along but I put it off because I still feel sick every day. Hopefully I can get through this 2 1/2 hour class tonight. Hopefully they us give regular bathroom breaks. Ugh.

The instructions are to wear "comfortable clothing." Does that mean my slip-on shoes that I don't have to bend over and tie, coupled with gray sweat capris that I have deemed my "Episiotomy Pants" and my husband's soft T-shirt that is stretched tightly over my belly, but still long enough to cover my tummy? Or do I need to comb my hair, put on some mascara and my actual going-out-in-public maternity capris that constrict my waist? And athletic shoes that I have to bend over and tie while grunting and breathing short breaths?

Oh, the decisions.

Sarah Carter

2008-06-16T12:37:00.001-07:00

Dear Sarah Carter:

Apparently I had your name spelled incorrectly on my last blog post. Your friend "Dahlton" @ 208-206-2720 sent to you (I assume you are the "*S*R*H" that Dahlton was referring to) a text message last night at 11:42 pm. Wow, that's kind of late in the evening for Dahlton to be sending text messages to wrong numbers.

It's important for you to get the message that he sent to you. I'll post it now. Here it is:

"hey"

Happy Father's Day!

2008-06-15T19:59:00.001-07:00

Dad Bury

Dad Jemmett

Baby bracelets

2008-06-11T19:59:00.000-07:00

My sweet friend Gayle sent us a baby gift, and included were these adorable baby bracelets. She likes to bead as a hobby. It sort of made it all real for us when Chad and I opened the package and saw a baby item with our baby's name spelled out on it.

Thanks, Gayle!

Restitution

2008-06-06T16:51:00.000-07:00

This is my e-mail to Chad:

Hey Chad:

I sent off the updated restitution info & copy of the hospital bill to the city attorney. There is a two cent difference between what the insurance company initially told me, and what the latest bill said. So initially I overcharged Debbie [the Defendant] by 2 cents. Think that will make her change her plea to Not Guilty?

This is Chad's response:

The judge will throw it out... force us to buy her a pitbull...let her dogs run free and and let Debbie bite us too.

Dear Sara Carter and Rick

2008-06-04T20:33:00.000-07:00

Ms. Carter, I don't know you, but as of late I have become your message service.

I have had my cell phone number for the past three years. I don't know why it is that this past week, you've suddenly become a very popular person to reach via my cell phone.

Monday morning, a gentleman called for you and left a message that you needed to contact him within 24 hours, or something would "attach" and your account would go to collections. Guess you didn't get that message. It's probably too late for you, but if you want to salvage your credit and maybe, you know, avoid getting a default judgment, you may want to call 208-403-5457. So sorry the bankruptcy laws changed in October of 2005.

Later that same morning, Fremont County School District (208-402-3112) called regarding your application. Did you really put my cell number on your resume? You should probably update your resume so you can get a job and pay off that debt (see above paragraph).

Then I got a call from "Rick" at 208-624-7549. He seemed incredulous when I told him that I was not you, and I asserted more than once that he had the wrong number. He apologized and we ended the conversation.

Then, Rick, you called me again today from a different number, 208-624-7591. Did you think you'd get a different outcome if you called from a different number? Didya, Rick? You defended your action by stating that you got my phone number from Sara Carter's parents. I promise you, if you try it a third time, you won't magically reach Sara. And I may not be so civil to you again.

Ugh

2008-06-03T17:55:00.000-07:00

Too sick to post. Enjoy this awesome video instead:

Woot again

2008-05-28T17:45:00.000-07:00

From ktvb.com, with emphasis added:
Meet Canyon County's newly-elected prosecutor
06:23 PM MDT on Wednesday, May 28, 2008

KTVB
John Bujak

NAMPA -- Canyon County will soon have a new prosecuting attorney.

Tuesday night John Bujak, a private attorney, soundly beat incumbent Dave Young in the Republican primary. There are no Democrats running for the office.

It is interesting that this is the second race in Canyon County where a candidate beat out their former boss. Chris Smith easily defeated George Nourse in the race for sheriff.

John Bujak says this change in personnel has been a long time coming.

"Being a brand new attorney I don't think I appreciated what wasn't working right in the office," said Bujak.

Bujak's first job in Canyon County in 1996 was working for Dave Young in the Prosecuting Attorney's Office.

He didn't have day-to-day involvement with Young because of his hands-off management style. Bujak claims defense attorneys won a lot more cases than they normally would in other jurisdictions.

"You just kind of had this spiral of chaos and destruction starting to form there; lack of direction, lack of training, poor prosecution practices, and ultimately leading to that single digit percentage conviction rate we were talking about during the course of the campaign," said Bujak.

Because of Young's management style and his handling of certain cases, Bujak says his defeat was bound to come.

“One was that Angie Leon case when his office allowed Angie Leon's ex-husband out of custody and he subsequently killed her, and then that case gets settled, it doesn't even go to trial, it gets settled for close to a million dollars. Voters stood up and took notice of that," said Bujak.

Bujak says the child pornography case involving Dave Young's son, Marcus, didn't help him in the campaign either.

He doesn't believe Dave should be held accountable for his son's actions, but recognizes it still struck a cord with voters.

"I had a lot of them come up and tell me Dave's done because of what's happening with his son, whether that's fair or not, it's simply a fact of life, it's the way the voters were responding," said Bujak.

Regardless of the reason for Bujak's 35-point victory margin over the incumbent - he is excited for his new job.

"The hardest thing for me is waiting until January to start the job. I'm ready to go now," said Bujak.
NewsChannel 7 tried repeatedly today to contact Dave Young for his response to the election outcome, but did not return our calls.

Woot woot!

2008-05-27T22:20:00.000-07:00

My former boss, a creepy old man, has lost the election for county prosecutor.

Winner Candidate Votes Percent

David Young 1983 13%

Danny Bower 5250 37%

X John Bujak 7117 50%

In the prosecutor's race, John Bujak has 51 percent of the vote in a three-way race. The truly stunning number: 16-year incumbent Dave Young has a measly 13 percent of the vote.

The above is my best attempt at including a photo of Mr. Young. And here's the mugshot of his pedophile son, awaiting trial on five felony counts of possession of sexually exploitive material and four felony counts of destruction of evidence:

Asserting her long self

2008-05-20T22:33:00.000-07:00

Baby Maura Jemmett is kicking me in the ribs, mostly at night between 1 and 2 am. It used to be that if I felt her pushing outward, I would move to give her more room to do so, partly because her father is 6'4" and I thought that perhaps she didn't have enough room to stretch out.

Now I don't care and figure if she hits mattress, tough luck sucker.

Tagged again

2008-05-20T11:43:00.000-07:00

How did you meet: The Singles Ward at Weber State. I had gotten out of a bad relationship where I was told that I was inferior for not having friends or hobbies. So when I began attending a Singles ward, I decided to start up a hiking group with my new friends. We would meet at my apartment at 9pm and just head up into the mountains. I was surprised at how many people would show up at that hour of the night and crowd into my living room. It was so much fun. We always made smoothies at my apartment afterwards and talked with each other until sometimes 2am. Chad came every time. At first he didn't talk to me, but towards the end of the summer, we got to know each other well and started dating.

Who eats more: Depends upon what we're eating.

Who said I love you first: I said "I think I love you." Then two months later, Chad wrote me a letter with my Christmas present and (finally) told me he loved me.

Who is taller: Chad is 6 feet 4 inches tall. 'Nough said.

Who sings better: I do. Sorry Chad.

Who is Smarter: Chad and I try to do the New York Times crossword puzzles and he guesses more words faster.

Who does the Laundry: I usually do, except when I had constant morning sickness.

Who does the dishes: See above. But I'm the only one allowed to load the dishwasher because I'm the best. It's like an exciting Tetris game for me.

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed: Chad does now that I have to get up four times a night to use the bathroom, and because it’s not the side where baby Maura’s bassinet will be placed.

Who pays the bills: I used to, but now Chad has 99 percent of our bills set up to be paid online so he takes care of them.

Who cooks dinner: We both do, usually after Church on Sundays. I still eat a lot of cereal and bland foods the rest of the week.

Who drives when you are together: For some reason, we’ve fallen into a pattern and it's usually Chad that drives now. I break the speed limit but I feel that Chad doesn't brake soon enough, so we get on each other's nerves sometimes.

Who is more stubborn: I am.

Who kissed who first: Chad kissed me first. Come on, I was trying to be a "Rules" girl.

Who proposed: Chad.

Who is more sensitive: I am, although he surprises me sometimes.

Who has more siblings: We both come from three-kid families.

Who wears the pants: I think we each wear a leg. My leg might be boot cut, but his has a long inseam.

I tag: All my friends who need ideas for their next blog post.

Why I love him

2008-05-14T11:05:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday, the Primary children sang during sacrament meeting in honor of Mother's Day. The Primary Presidency specifically invited the male teachers to the stand as well. Chad was the only male teacher who obediently complied.

The kids were to sing "Love is Spoken Here," so the formation was boys on one side and girls on the other. One little four-year-old boy hadn't walked up to the stand quickly enough to get a seat, so he started to cry. He probably felt left out or that he was in the wrong for not having a chair to be seated in. Chad spent the entire first two verses of the song bent over, trying to soothe and comfort him.

That was the best Mother's Day gift I could ever get.

My first tag

2008-05-13T14:43:00.000-07:00

Here are the rules:

Each player answers questions about themselves.
At the end of the post, tag 5 people by posting their names.
Go to their site/blog and leave a comment telling them they've been tagged. Invite them to your site/blog so they can read the tagged post.
Let the person who tagged you know when you've completed your tagged post.

Questions:

1. What were you doing 10 years ago?

Finishing up a semester at UVSC on my way to getting a degree in "Paralegal Studies" and preparing for an internship at the Public Defenders Office. And I worked in the Music department at a store called Media Play. I loved that job.

2. What are 5 things on your "To Do" list?

a) Buy baby stuff.

b) Read more books about how to care for babies.

c) Read more books on the horrors of labor and childbirth. Reading these make my morning sickness worse!

d) Convert maternity pants to maternity capris because it's gonna be in the 90's this weekend. This simple sewing task will probably take hours for me to master.

e) Prepare witness and restitution info to give to the attorney on my dog bite case (see earlier post). It turns out my home teacher's office is handling the case! Connections are sweet!

3. What are 5 snacks you enjoy?

a) Mac & Cheese

b) Red and black licorice

c) Walmart's house brand of "Special K" Cereal

d) Strawberries

e) Soy milk with Hershey's chocolate syrup

4. Name some things you would do if you were a millionaire.

Luckily I'm debt free, so then I would buy a house and go hog wild decorating a nursery. Since our 1992 Corolla died (a tear, please) I would get another newer 'Rolla, or maybe a 1983 Euro model BMW like I got to drive during high school because Dad bought it wrecked and did the auto body work to make it pretty and we shared it.

Then I would spend the money to start a garden in my backyard and grow yummy veggies and herbs and Asian Pear trees. I would plant wildflowers and that really pretty decorative cabbage that grows around the Salt Lake temple.

Then a trip to Sephora with my mom and sister would be necessary.

5. Name some places where you've lived.

Idaho, Utah, Oregon, Arizona, Wyoming, Montana.

6. Name some bad habits you have.

Breaking the speed limit, and many others.

7. Name some jobs you've had.

a) Drive thru queen.

b) Music specialist (see above).

c) Paralegal. I've only had one paralegal job that I loved. I worked at a firm in Idaho Falls that knowingly allowed the staff to take paid time off during the day to get their hair and nails done. I hated that place.

I worked at the prosecutors' office in Caldwell, Idaho and having had eight years' legal experience, that office was the most inefficient environment I'd ever worked in. The answer to every question involving procedure was to state that that was how they'd always done things.

8. Name those whom you are tagging.

Alright alright

2008-05-05T12:08:00.000-07:00

30 weeks

Oh Snap

2008-05-01T10:37:00.000-07:00

This quotation was read in Relief Society last Sunday:

Mothers who know are nurturers. This is their special assignment and role under the plan of happiness. To nurture means to cultivate, care for, and make grow. Therefore, mothers who know create a climate for spiritual and temporal growth in their homes. Another word for nurturing is homemaking. Homemaking includes cooking, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping an orderly home. Home is where women have the most power and influence; therefore, Latter-day Saint women should be the best homemakers in the world. (Julie B. Beck, Mothers Who Know, Ensign, p. 76, November 2007)

Homemaking skills skip a generation in my family.

Dear Animal Control

2008-04-28T11:52:00.000-07:00

April 28, 2008

Ada County Animal Control Unit
via hand delivery to: Crystal

RE: Name: Heather ******* (victim) DOB **/**/****
Chad ******* DOB **/**/****

Home Address: ***********************
********, ID 8****

To Whom it May Concern:

On Sunday, April 27, 2008, between 8:30 p.m. and 8:45 p.m., my husband and I were walking southbound on the sidewalk of East 2 1/2 Street toward East Carlton Avenue, on the East side of Cole Valley Christian School. I was wearing a tee shirt covered with a sweatshirt.

A dark-colored dog came charging at us and barking from the yard of the home located at 1124 East 2 1/2 Street (according to Google Maps). We stood still and watched the dog while it circled us. We heard a woman calling for the dog from the yard of the home. A second dog (a light-colored Labrador Retriever) came barking and charging and both dogs circled us and barked. I am 95 percent sure that it was the dark-colored dog that jumped up and bit me on the back of my right arm, about 5 inches above my elbow. I screamed in response. My husband yelled to the woman to control her dogs.

The dogs finally obeyed the woman and ran back across the street toward the yard. I removed my sweatshirt and my husband and I saw the bite mark. The dog bit through the sweatshirt leaving large holes in the sweatshirt. The woman and the dogs walked into the home. She closed the screen door and turned off the light inside the front room of the home.

Chad approached the home and knocked on the screen door. A dog began barking and Chad saw that it was a third dog, a dark Boxer Bulldog/Pit bull type. The woman eventually approached the door, where Chad stated “your dog bit my wife.” She didn’t respond.

Some neighbors must have heard my scream, because a man and a woman came running North toward me from Carlton Avenue. They stated that they saw the whole incident and knew the woman. They saw the bite mark.

Chad again stated to the woman that the dog had bitten me, and asked the woman what to do next. Chad asked the woman whether she had any records of shots that the dog had received. She stated that she had no such records and reported that she gets the shots from “D&B” and administers the shots herself. She said to Chad, “I’m sorry, that’s all I can say.” Chad told the woman that he would be contacting the police. He asked for her name and she gave no response.

Chad saw some outgoing mail on the porch of the home, and his recollection is that the name on the return label said something like “Reinlein.”

Chad and I walked home, washed the wound and applied Neosporin (see attached cd showing pictures of bite mark). After washing the wound, it began bleeding and individual teeth marks were visible. After telephoning the on-call doctor at our baby doctor’s office (I’m 29 weeks’ pregnant), we were advised to go to the Emergency Room so that I could be examined and prescribed antibiotics.

The nurse at the hospital contacted dispatch, and we spoke with Officer Dan Vogt of Meridian Police Department. He listened to our story, then spoke with his boss and eventually advised us to contact Animal Control during business hours.

Sincerely,

Heather ******* Chad *******

Fruit Punch Oral Glucose Tolerance Beverage, anyone?

2008-04-24T18:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, after drinking a horrid sugar drink cleverly packaged like a sports drink for a Glucosamine test coupled with laying on my back for an ultrasound made me darn near pass out at the doctor's office. Ugh, I don't know how people can do this pregnancy thing more than once, especially while caring for other small children. You gals must be made of iron.

And yes, that image on the screen still looks like a daughter.

I promised Mom I'd give her this recipe

2008-04-18T13:21:00.000-07:00

Spinach Orange Salad

1/4 cup sliced almonds
4 tsps white sugar

Place in skillet over medium heat and stir constantly until sugar and almonds are lightly browned. (Or just spread just the almonds into a single layer on a cookie sheet and broil until they smell good and look toasted.) Set aside.

Fresh spinach, washed, dried and chilled (enough for 6-8 people)
1 cup thin cut celery
2 Tbs chopped green onions
1 can mandarin oranges, drained

Set aside.

Dressing

1/4 cup vegetable oil
2 Tbs white sugar
2 Tbs white vinegar
1 Tbs parsley
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp black pepper
Dash Tabasco Sauce

Shake until mixed.

Toss all ingredients together and serve immediately.

Why I love him

2008-04-14T12:16:00.000-07:00

In the middle of the night, Chad sat up, took a look at the alarm clock to see the time, then rolled over in bed. In his half-asleep state he noticed that I was still awake and he said to me, "I love you" and immediately went back to sleep.

So in denial

2008-04-14T11:48:00.000-07:00

So yesterday it had been a whole two weeks since I had to get dressed up to go to church, thanks to General Conference. A lot can happen to a woman's pregnant body in two weeks' time. I had a perfectly acceptable outfit in mind- a non-maternity skirt with a stretchy waistband, a non-maternity empire-styled shirt, and a stretchy solid-colored non-maternity T-shirt to wear underneath. And because I had this outfit clearly prepared in my mind, I allowed myself 5 minutes' time to get dressed before leaving for our 3pm church time.

I changed out of my husband's T-shirt (because that's not acceptable to wear to church, darn it!) and when I went to the bathroom mirror to appraise my outfit, I looked like a pregnant girl trying to look, um, not pregnant. My shirts were clearly too short at this point, and my wide stretchy skirt waistband was definitely and embarrassingly visible.

Then ensued a whirlwind of trying on other clothes, changing shoes, lamenting the fact that I can no longer wear what I used to, and telling myself that my clothing identity is being destroyed. I have only purchased two maternity skirts, one in black and one in a biegey-khaki. That's the same philosophy I applied to purchasing a work wardrobe when I was a poor college student, because a girl can make everything go with black and khaki pants. I'm cheap and practical and there is no one to impress in my ward.

I realized in horror that I hadn't yet ironed my beige skirt, so I had to change to black shoes to go with the more formal black skirt. And then I cursed myself for having to cut tags from two maternity shirts. I changed my mind about which shirt to wear because clearly the green print didn't harmonize with my formal, pleated black box of a maternity skirt. I settled on a white button-up shirt that was pleated right above the belly. Poor Chad- I was in a panicked frenzy and yelling for him to get my stretchy white shirt out of the closet, the white one, not the off-white one. You should have seen him when he accidentally brought me the off-white shirt.

All during church I kept pushing those shirt pleats down as they billowed up around my tummy as I sat. But it was all worth it because I sat in the back of Relief Society and joked with this cool girl during the lesson. When the instructor was listing on the chalk board the differences between the Aaronic and Melchezedek Priesthood, I joked to my neighbor that because we weren't guys we didn't have to learn those differences. After all, we had the Young Women theme memorized.

Why?

2008-04-12T18:47:00.000-07:00

Why do I take the clothes out of the washer, put them into a laundry basket, then proceed to empty said wet clothing out of said basket and then into the dryer?

Did I unwittingly drink battery acid...

2008-04-12T14:35:00.001-07:00

or is that just heartburn again?

The Utaw Accent

2008-04-09T11:47:00.000-07:00

I saw this on dooce.com:

And by the way

2008-04-09T11:15:00.000-07:00

I caved today and started reading the first book of the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. Everyone raves about these books, so when in Rome...

Putting on pounds by the truckload

2008-04-09T10:39:00.000-07:00

I had a visit with the baby doc today. I have gained 13 pounds in one short month. I'll tell you what, after months of being so sick it's nice to have an appetite finally and I'm going to celebrate that, okay? The nurse assured me that the weight gain should level off to about 5 pounds a month. Soon I'll be passing my husband. I give it a week.

We were able to visit the fam in Utah this weekend. Mom corrected me every time I referred to my unborn child as "she" and "her" because she has talked to lots of mothers who have told her that doctors and ultrasounds are sometimes wrong. It doesn't help that I dreamt that my child was a brown-eyed female with dark curly hair, so that's all I picture now.

I caved and bought these cute pictures from Ikea:

Chad says that the middle picture is rather predatory in nature. But who can resist Ikea? You walk in to a heavenly aroma of cinnamon rolls- and they don't skimp on the cinnamon glaze. And the 99 cent chocolate bars are far removed from America's waxy versions. And where else can you drink Ligonberry juice?

We also visited my old office in Ogden. Man I miss working there. I loved the projects I was given and the freedom I had and the writing and research I got to do. If ever we move back to Utah, I would love to work at the old office again. In the past Chad has frequently worked odd hours so I could totally do it and still have a parent at home with the kid. I would love to live in a house I own with a fenced yard and work at my leisure and grow things in my square-foot garden and eat them and make stuff with them. I love homemade grape juice. I would grow Asian pear trees, herbs, veggies, everything. That would be the life. *Sigh*

Winner	Candidate	Votes	Percent
	David Young	1983	13%
	Danny Bower	5250	37%
X	John Bujak	7117	50%

Jemmett Family

Domestic Goddess

Ahhh, Auto Insurance

When Dad is the Primary Caretaker

When Dad is the Primary Caretaker

When Dad is the Primary Caretaker

A New Balloon!

Yes!

What I've Learned in 2010

When Dad is the primary caretaker

Conversations with Chad

Conversations with Chad

Is it "slacking?" Or "slackening?"

A Few More Obvious Tips for Not-Very-Good Homemakers

Say it! Say it out loud.

Cheap! Cheap!

Beehivier Righteousness

Nickie Penny!!! I love FB for finding people in my past that I really miss, like you! You were one of the best YW leaders, I'll always remember you!

Chruck

Happy First Maura

Ummm, Not So Much

Everyone Loves a Parade

What We Doing

Fun with Photobooth

Orthapedic Divergence

Cutesy

Domestic Diva

Why I Love Him

In a Holding Pattern

Grease cutting power to the nth degree

Maura's first food!

Rock a Pony or Bop a Bob

I Am Utterly Convinced

Gonna Party Like It's 2009

Christmas Morning

No, We're Not Beating A Bag of Cats

Christmas Cheer

Let's Snow

I Can Haz A Cheezburger?

Almost Famous

We've waited 13 years for this day

How do I love thee?

Call for Comments

Tali throws a heck of a baby shower

Now, in vampire hair fashion news

For all you Twilight nerds

Watch this

Jess Jorgy got married!

Is this voter fraud?

Megan and Manuel throw a heck of a party

DIY home decor

Family Update

The Times, They Are A-Changin'

My Quirky Self

Mags got married!

Baby blessing soup

Checkee Outtee

Comment! Comment!

Cat Ladders

Maura ahora

Maura- the early days

By Semi-Popular Demand

This means you, RC Willey shoppers!

First Sunday

Back to Utah

Chad

Waiting

Roller Coaster Ride

I Should Get My Own Security Pass

Ain't Be Coming Out

Attn Former Third Wardians:

"LOL Geoff"- much better than "LOL Cats"

Megan, Matt & Some Weird Mongolian Necktie

Coming Home Tonight, and Weighing in at 15 lbs Less

What Price Vicious Dog?

Childbirth Prep Classes: Can one truly be prepared?

Sarah Carter

Happy Father's Day!

Baby bracelets

Restitution

Nickie
Penny!!! I love FB for finding people in my past that I really miss, like you! You were one of the best YW leaders, I'll always remember you!