Happy First Maura

Dear Maura:

Today you are one year old.

Two days before you were due to be born, your father went into the emergency room. While we waited for him to see a doctor and be administered some pain relief meds, I was anxious and stressed and worried because of your impending due date. While he laid in his hospital bed in terrible pain, he reassured me that everything would be okay.


So for the next four days, I schlepped my hospital bag back and forth and spent those days in your father's hospital room. I had no idea what to expect when I would inevitably go into labor. I started having serious contractions the same day your father had his first of four blood transfusions. I skipped eating lunch in the cafeteria because I thought to myself, what if I have an embarrassing contraction right there in the middle of the cafeteria? I didn't realize that I was experiencing actual labor. I had been told that contractions feel like "really bad menstrual cramps." I have a history of severe menstrual cramps (yeah, you're welcome for that) and in my mind I wasn't having textbook contractions. I fed your father ice chips and answered the nurses' questions. Your great aunt informed me that I was in labor, and I denied it. Your grandmother told me that I ought to check myself in, after all, I was only two floors above the place where you would be born. Instead, I waited to see if your father's transfusion was successful before I would go home and watch Becoming Jane to get my mind off of the pain I was feeling.

I had your grandmother drive me home because I didn't think I should drive myself. I folded some laundry and put it away. Your grandmother insisted that I write down the times I was having contractions. Yeah, they were close together, but they weren't lasting the full 45-60 seconds that the textbooks AND doctors AND birth classes said they should last. After all, I thought it would be the ultimate rejection to show up at the hospital ready to become a mother and be told, hey, even though you're suffering intense pain, go back home. Finally, your grandmother insisted upon calling the doctor to see whether I should go to the hospital. He said I should probably come in.

When I reached the hospital, I was certain that I would be turned away. I found out that I was dilated to a nine. Things started happening really quickly. When I was wheeled down the hall, one of the nurses asked if I was "going to do this naturally." I said, "You must be the funny nurse." Another nurse said that she hoped an anesthesiologist would show up in time. Yes, please! By that time, the pain was quite intense and I was gripping the side rails of the bed. Thankfully, he showed up. Next time, I think I'll have him meet me at home.

When the doctor plopped you onto my chest it was such a strange sensation. If felt good to have you pulled out of me, but at the same time it was alarming because I had been protecting that baby bump for so long, even avoiding any degree of waistband constriction so that I wouldn't feel any more nauseated than I did the WHOLE NINE MONTHS. But suddenly there was this weight- a live human being no less- on that very spot. And I was surprised at how heavy that little person was. And how grayish-purple you looked.

The nurses took you away to determine your Apgar score, and while I was being stitched up (for 30 minutes!), I just watched you. Your birth was such a bright spot during a scary week. I thought the timing of our entire family's hospital stay was crazy, but you are your father's angel. I don't know what we'd do without you to focus on right now.

We're trying to be good parents. I haven't even put headbands or bows or anything in your fine hair because I think it would have made you uncomfortable. I haven't polished your nails. I haven't felt like you needed any adornment beyond what nature gave to you. Of course, you don't seem as helpless and vulnerable to me now, so that all may change soon! I have whipped up egg whites to put in your hair. Hey, give me a break. I told your father years ago that we weren't having any children unless they had naturally curly hair.

Circumstances aren't ideal, but I'm so glad that you have such a strong bond with your father because of the fact that he is home with you.

We were happy before, but we were so completely ignorant of the joy we feel now. You have brought so much joy to our lives.

Happy birthday.